I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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