i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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