You just made me feel so damn special
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
