dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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