you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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