Your tits are I can't wait for
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
