Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
