Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
