Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
