Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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