OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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