I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
