put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
