You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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