you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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