I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
