Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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