I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
