Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
