i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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