lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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