btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
