If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
