I think im going to throw up on grandma
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
