Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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