this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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