remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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