girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
