When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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