the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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