it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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