I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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