Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
