if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
