I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
