yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
