Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
