I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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