I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
