..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
