i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
