youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
