I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
