I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
