i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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