I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
