I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
