Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
