just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
