you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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