Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
